Session Two: Problems in Prayer and Overcoming Them

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In the set of notes, I focussed on prayer being all about our personal relationship with God - Father, Son & Spirit. When we are seeking to live in a relationship with God, I'm afraid it will always be very quick to diagnose the source of any problems in the relationship - Me; or, in your case, You! God is perfect, and always does what is perfectly right and good. In faith, therefore, we can rule out God as being the source of any problems in our prayer.

(1) The basic source of all problems in prayer, is that we enter into it seeking consolation from God; or, we enter into it with purer motives of simply loving God, and then become hooked on the consolation of God. By 'consolation of God' I mean any good feeling that affirms us in our prayer. Whichever way we started, then, consolation or feelings end up becoming the primary motivation for us to pray.

Now, spiritual consolation is not a bad thing, but God cannot allow us always to have consolation in our prayer.

• Firstly, knowing the consolation and warmth of the presence of God is not the same thing as knowing God Himself. If God allowed our prayer to be continually based on consoling feelings, then He would be allowing us to settle for less than our highest good.
• Secondly, doubt and struggle are a really important of the spiritual life, and so God has to allow us to experience them.
• The question is often asked why God doesn't make His existence more obvious to people. The reason He doesn't is that if His existence were so obvious, that everyone could straightforwardly know that He exists (as one can know that 2 + 2 = 4), then we wouldn't be free to make a rational choice whether to have a relationship with Him, or not. A person who refuses to accept plain and obvious things is irrational (eg. someone who rejects the proposition 2 + 2 = 4). Therefore, God makes Himself known enough, that we may freely choose to meet Him in Faith, but not so obvious that we are compelled to meet Him.
• If prayer were always an occasion where God's warm and loving presence were obvious, then we would in a certain sense cease to be free to choose to be in relationship with Him. We would become addicted to these feelings in our prayer, and as such would be choosing to spend time in prayer out of need, and not out of love.
• I suggest that this dynamic is reflected in all the deepest relationships in our lives. Sometimes relationships end as soon as the initial joy of a new relationship passes. However, the relationships which we really treasure in life, are the ones in which, at a certain point, we had to struggle to stay in relationship.

 (2) One of the key difficulties in prayer is that even the most sincere, mature and faithful Christian is frequently tempted to judge their prayer time by the way that it felt. This is going to be a constant difficulty. As human beings we are feeling beings - however, one effect of original sin on our fallen nature is that our feelings are now often out of kilter with reality.

• To counter this I want to offer you one simple question to reflect on at the end of your time of prayer (instead of how did it feel?); did I spend 20/30/60 minutes sincerely trying to pray?
• Sometimes, it may feel like you turned up, but God didn't - take comfort; if your are going to be stood up by anyone, then at least it was Almighty God!
• As long as you have done your part - which is to try and pray - God can ask no more of you. And in faith and trust, rest assured that He will have worked in your prayer, because He never lets anything done in love for Him go to waste.

(3) Some of the specific problems in prayer:

• I stop praying. This is extremely common, and is normally a response to withdrawal of some of the consolation from prayer, but can also result from some kind of shift in the pattern of a person's life. This is urgent - the solution is to start praying again.
• This may be a big sacrifice, but I'm afraid Christianity without sacrifice is like a car without an engine: it won't take you anywhere.
• I've met many people who say they have no time to pray, yet none of them appear to be starving from lack of time to eat.
• Our prayer should only be omitted in order to make time for a higher demand of charity, and even then, the prayer should be fitted in as soon as the particular demand has passed.
• I get bored in prayer and/or my mind wanders. We are human beings, and as human beings we all have a certain attention span. It is perfectly natural then, that sometimes we will get bored, and our minds will wander. The problem is that as a result of a subtle pride within us, we tend to think that unless we are mentally in control of our prayer, then it isn't working.
• St. Teresa, however, suggests that just because the mind may be galloping off over the hills with the horses, it doesn't mean that the soul cannot be at rest before God.
• Your growth holiness, once you have done all that you can, is God's problem - not yours. In the same way, He is in charge of your prayer. Almighty God is perfectly capable of holding your attention, if He wants it. Your job, is simply to offer it, by creating time and space for Him.
• Do not judge your prayer!! The only question you should meaningfully ask is: did I spend 20/30/60 minutes sincerely trying to pray?
• Sometimes, an entire prayer time can be spent struggling with a wandering mind. Don't let it disturb your peace. Simply return to your meditation every time you find your mind has wandered. You may spend the whole time drifting off, and then returning, which may not be 'fun', but it is still prayer!
• I fall asleep in prayer. Then be assured that you are part of a venerable tradition of saints, going back to the Apostles themselves in the Garden of Gethsemane.
• Again, worry only about your will: did I spend 20/30/60 minutes sincerely trying to pray?
• If you fall asleep, when you wake, then slowly go back to your prayer and resume where you were.
• If you find certain environments/postures/times of day for prayer induce sleep, then you may consider changing them for your prayer, if this is realistically possible.

(4) Everybody who prays, struggles with it. Struggle is built into the spiritual life. However, often people feel the need to struggle in silence, until it ruins their prayer life. If you are really struggling, seek help - that's what your priests and pastors are there for. I have never known a priest who would be unhappy to speak to someone about their prayer life, but often people are afraid to ask Father about things in their interior life, because they think he's too busy.

If you are struggling, do seek advice. However, as I have emphasised in this talk, prayer is often a struggle. If you seek help, please don't be offended if the advice is simply to persevere. Perseverance is in some ways the standard prescription to a whole range of spiritual ills, and like nasty medicine from  our parents; we may not like it, but we know it is the best thing to make us better.

Key Points

• The basic source of problems in prayer is that we lack consoling feelings from God.
• The solution is that we must not judge our prayer by our feelings. We should simply ask whether we sincerely tried to pray for the determined period. As long as we did, we can trust God to have used that generous offering fruitfully.
• When problems emerge in prayer, as soon as we realise, we should simply, and gently, return to our normal pattern of prayer.

Next Step 
1. Can I answer the questions on the handout?
2. Listen in on a short follow up interview about the material discussed.
3.. Now spend 20 minutes (or more) in silence using the prayer exercise on Ignatian Contemplation on the handout.